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I have noticed lately that so many people look at the down side of “what if” instead of the upside of it. You can make yourself crazy worrying about the “what if’s” of a situation. Believe me I know.

If Martin and I worried about the “what if’s” of Andrew’s situation, we wouldn’t have had the profound time that we did the last few months of our son’s life. Nor would we have survived it!

We really would have had major regrets, instead of “No Regrets”, (shameless reference to my book) if we had focused on ALL the downsides of “what if’s.” Believe me, there were plenty “what if’s” we could have focused on. Leukemia gives you a boat load of scary “what if’s” to focus on fo sho. But it would have been a HUGE waste of time. It would have taken away from the quality of our time that we did have with Andrew his last few months here. Some of my fondest memories with Andrew are in the hospital because I focused on the time I had with my son. I was present in the moment with him because I knew I wasn’t guaranteed the next one. In reality, NONE of us are really guaranteed the next moment, so I drank in each moment with him. And I try to do that now even more so with my loved ones here. I CHOSE not to focus on the “what if” this or that happens. If you want to be happy, you just can’t do that. If you want to have a fulfilling life with your loved ones here, you just can’t do that.

It all boils down to choice. Are you going to make the most of the time you have with your loved ones in your life? Or are you going to waste it by worrying about things that may never happen anyway? Even if you have someone in your life dealing with a terminal illness, do you want your memories to be that of worry about when they are leaving? Or do you want to look back and think about how you made the most of the time you did have with them. Do you want to look back and have “No Regrets” (yup! another ref) on how you spent the time with them? Look back with fondness on the beautiful memories you chose to create instead of worry? Or choose just to be miserable and full of regret that you didn’t allow yourself to really enjoy the person to the fullest during their last months or days here. Either way it IS YOUR choice!

When you worry about something that MAY happen, you take away quality of life not only for you, but for those people around you. Remember, with every “what if” this or that happens, there is ALWAYS, “what if” it doesn’t! What if you focused on joy? What if you focused on being happy? What if you chose to be grateful? What if you chose to look at the blessings in your life instead? Hmmmmm what if…?

What if we chose to do what Andrew, and the great philosophers, Monty Python did and “ALWAYS look on the bright side of life!” Or singer Jason Mraz who has “The Remedy” of life by saying, “I won’t worry my life away.” If a 16yo could choose do it while undergoing aggressive leukemia treatment, then so can we, if we CHOOSE to! We have no excuse!

What if we just believed…

IT’S ALL GOOD!

If you have read my blog from the beginning or my book, No Regrets, you will know who this person is below. Leah is someone we didn’t meet until Andrew was diagnosed. Leah is also someone who has had amazing interaction with Andrew since he crossed, which I have blogged about. Well, here is another one of her beautiful healing encounters with PureHeart and another friend who recently transitioned.

LEAH’S STORY

About a week and a half ago, I had laser surgery on my eyes to cauterize leaking blood vessels caused by untreated Diabetes. The surgery was very routine, but the experience was not. I promised to share it with you, so I am keeping that promise here.

On January 14th, I was part of a memorial service for my friend Jeremy’s mom, Laurie McDonald. Jeremy had asked me to sing a few songs, which I was happy to do. He requested my songs I Am and Those Who Knew Him, and I also suggested my version of The Lord’s Prayer from the Aramaic. However, in the days after, I got a strong sense that I was supposed to sing a song I wrote for my friend Andrew Jordan entitled Let Well-Being Flow. Laurie and I had not had much contact while she was here, but I knew she was speaking to me now, and I knew Jeremy would be fine with the change. After all, his mom requested it, so what choice did he have?

The day of Laurie’s service was freezing cold! We met down by the river, friends and family, healers and metaphysicians. Since my stroke and losing about 40 pounds, I feel the cold a lot more than I used to. I shivered and shook, huddling into my jacket and waiting for my turn to sing. Virginia Drake, Jeremy’s mentor, was speaking. She asked us to close our eyes and feel Lori’s energy surrounding us. I did, and I felt it. I also realized that Andrew, or PureHeart (the name he was given after his transition), was there as well. I suddenly felt a great wave of energy wash through me from the top of my head right down to my toes. I wasn’t cold anymore, that’s for sure! “What the heck was THAT?” I asked Andrew. He just smiled with his usual nonchalance and said, “It’s a little something you’ll need on Thursday.” Thursday was the day my laser eye surgery was scheduled for. I’ve learned not to question Andrew, because he’s not going to tell you anything before he’s ready to anyway. I settled into the remaining warmth and participated in the rest of the service.

On Thursday, I was ushered into a clinic room where a nurse explained what would happen during the procedure. They would inject me with super-strength Ibuprofen, which would take care of any discomfort from the surgery. She said that the doctor would probably take two appointments to do the procedure, as most people can’t lie still or tolerate the extent of the treatment in one sitting. They gave me the shot (which HURT!), and I settled back to wait for it to take effect.

Now, this was not a narcotic or an anesthetic, so it shouldn’t have relaxed me – but I was aware that I was entering an altered state of consciousness. I was also aware that I was no longer alone in the room – Laurie and PureHeart were there. PureHeart spoke to me, reminding me that I could meditate during the procedure and it would go smoother. I remember being on a wintry beach, watching whitecaps frothing and feeling the wind on my face. “Just come here and relax if you get anxious. It’s all gonna be fine.” At that point, he continued speaking, but in a language I had never heard before. I realized that he was speaking directly to the cells in my body, preparing them for what was to come, giving them information they would need for the healing process. Through it all, Laurie stood next to me with her hand on my shoulder, smiling quietly. She wore the most beautiful dress – it was sleeveless, green, gathered – it looked like shiny fish scales. I heard her say, “It’s a mermaid dress – tell Jeremy.”

The doctor came back in, turned off the lights and, after making sure I was comfortable, began to shine a very bright light in my eyes. He asked me to look in different directions as he focused the lasers where they needed to go. There was no pain, no discomfort. I realized that Laurie was standing behind me with her hands on either side of my head while Pureheart stood at my feet. I was unaware of the passage of time, floating back and forth between the clinic room and my beach spot. At one point, the doctor said, “This is where I usually stop. How are you doing? Would you like me to stop, or continue?” I told him I was fine, and that as far as I was concerned, he could go on. So he did.

Laurie spoke to me then, and she said, “You sing for so many others – it’s time someone sang for you.” And in a clear, wordless, pure tone unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, she sang to me. I was transfixed and transported by the beauty of her voice. Pureheart spoke again, saying, “Sound is very important for healing. Remember that.” And I floated away once more on the sound of Laurie’s sweet voice.

When the doctor finished, I felt great! No pain, no discomfort – even after the shot wore off! I could tell an immediate difference in my vision (which fluctuates, to a certain extent- all part of the healing process). I pondered why I was so unscathed and received my answer from PureHeart, “Remember that energy burst at Laurie’s service?” I had been given a gift. What an honor!

I just LOVE these kind of stories! It makes my heart sing! When we can get out of the box that a lot of religions and society try to put us in, and open our minds and hearts to the endless possibilities of this expansive Universe, amazing, beautiful things happen. Thank you Leah for being open to receiving love and healing from PureHeart and Laurie. We ALL benefit from your experience!

IT’S ALL GOOD!

As we say good-bye to 2011, I am reminiscent of this past year’s events. First being our amazing granddaughter being born in March. We had our cousin Chrissy here from Ireland for the birth. What an amazing night that was, all of us together while Elatia was in labor, and us holding the space as this new soul was making her way into this dimension. J.R. and I helping Elatia to push. Each of us on either side of her, holding her legs and feet. There is something so primal and sacred about working together bringing a new life into the world. The lights were dim, music gently played, mostly “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” from 50 First Dates, as we waited for this amazing young lady to arrive. It was such an amazing moment in time. Well, until the Dr. got his way that is, and made Elatia get a c-section, but we won’t focus on that. We got our healthy Babygirl and that is all that matters!

I had never seen anything like it. Elatia was just shear poetry in motion. She was a true Goddess giving birth. Elatia would go to the higher vibrations with every contraction with such peace and grace, there was this calmness yet shear power about her. Andrew would go to those higher vibrations as well when he had a tough medical test or leukemia treatment to endure. What a blessing as a parent to be able to see both of my kids rise to such occasions. You can’t help but be in awe of it all.

Having Kaliana in our lives has brought a joy I never thought we would feel again. She is helping our hearts to heal. So thank you 2011!

I also released my book, “No Regrets” “A Journey Through Life and Beyond” this year. Wish I can say that it was hassle free, but it was anything but. But we won’t focus on that part of it. I will focus on the amazing way this book has touched the lives of a good number of people. I am once again in awe on the power of this book about Andrew’s journey. Below in the previous post is what someone wrote to me today about the powerful effect this book has had on her life. It may not be thousands or even hundreds of people that have been touched by this book…yet, but the ones it has touched, is pretty profound. And it keeps me going knowing that Andrew is doing so much more great work since he left here. Thank you 2011!

I also started booking mediumship events for us over the summer, and for a change they have been quite successful. I shoulda known talking to dead people would get butts in seats! LOL I am building on the momentum we started on the East Coast of Florida for the upcoming year. I know! The irony of it all! We ran from that area like an alter boy from a priest! And now that is where we are finding our success. Go figure.

I had given up on booking any kind of show in 2009 due to venues closing down or lack of interest in our amazing and powerful “Only Love Is Real” concert. I guess we still needed some down time to grieve. But now? Now is the time for us be out there working with Andrew in a big way. I have a renewed anticipation in our work! Thank you again 2011!

I had been looking for a promoter, agent or manager for a long time to help us pull everything we do together. But alas, like I have said many times, they are like trying to find the elusive unicorn. Well, in the end of 2011 we found our unicorn! What a great way to end the year! We found an intuitive business coach. And when she met Andrew two days before she received my email, I knew she was the one for us! Someone that has business savvy AND consciously works with her Guides? And knows how to work with energy? WOW! Just perfect! Just goes to show it’s all about timing my nizzels. Thank you 2011

2011 has been an amazing year for us! So many blessings! But it is time to bid thee farewell. As we say a fond farewell to 2011, we say hello to 2012, the year of the dragon. I look forward to the blessings 2012 has for us! We also plan on taking an active roll in making them happen! Are you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Make it a great one!

IT’S ALL GOOD!

It’s emails like these that let me know that my beloved son had a much Higher purpose to fulfill. It also let’s me know that getting the book out there was worth all the hassle and heart ache. Reading emails like this just make my heart sing!

Dear Connie,
As we close out 2011 and step into this prosperous new year of 2012 I would like to share my thoughts and feeling with you on Andrew’s journey through life, love and beyond with No Regrets. His story has touched my heart deeper then even I could ever have imagined. What a precious gem your son is and the gift of his teaching that he has left the world. Although I never had the blessing as others have of meeting him in an earthly way, I met him as his higher self and that is the gift he wanted me to have.

4 months ago I really thought I was slipping off my rocker with all the bazaar series of various events that were taking place in my life. I couldn’t understand any of it! I kept saying to myself “what is going on with me”, I’m I nuts”! Why am I feeling this presence of something / someone I don’t know? Why me, what did I do to attract this? I kept thinking about Whoopi Goldberg in ghost. lol

All the questions I had have manifested to this. I now know that all along it was Andrew who for some reason attached himself to me or as Martin put it Andrew took to me as part of his ‘Soul Family’. He kept hitting me (well not literally, lol) you know what I mean, until I connected with Martin. The voice inside kept telling me that it was “OK” for me to confront Hern/Martin, “He won’t be mad, just DO IT, DO IT, Really Do it”. Connie, these were the words that circled inside my brain. On 10.03.11 @ approx. 10:18am I took the advice of this voice and I DID IT. I admit I was a wee bit nervous but it left me with no regrets for any of it! If I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a thing. I love Andrews book so much that I am re-reading it and I look very forward to the continuation of this journey in the next book. I wish you much love & many blessings. Happy New Year! ~Nina~

IT’S ALL GOOD!

Hells yeah! Is all I can say. I have dragon energy ALL around me! People saw my dragon back in 2002, which is when I first became aware of my dragon. Musician friend, Michael Wise of Angel Earth, named her “Puff” back then. I know, how cliche, but I liked it and the name stuck.

Can I tell you what that means on any other level, like astrology, or Chinese New Year wise? Nope! I just know it’s the year of the dragon and what it means to me.

When I took Doreen Virtue’s mediumship class back in June 2002, one of the students said to me during her audience reading practice, “YOU have a dragon behind you whose wings are down and ready to spread. She is ready to spread her wings so you need to step it up!” I was in shock! Seriously? I have a dragon around me? Cool! Kinda explains a lot. At the next Angel Therapy Practitioner(r) class of Doreen’s the following week that I staffed, Doreen had the students try to see my dragon. She had me stand in front of the class so they could try and see her. Some of the students could. That is when Michael named her, and I was known as the Dragon Lady from then on.

Now to know that 2012 is the year of the dragon? Well, I am so freakin excited! Doesn’t mean that I hated 2011. Not at all. I never blame a year for how I feel about my life. Well, not for quite sometime anyway. Especially since I know it ALL boils down to me and my choices, not the year. I’m just excited to be working even more with my dragon energy! I am finally ready again.

When I think about 2007 I don’t think it was a horrible year because Andrew was diagnosed and then passed. I think of it fondly as the last year I had my son with me here. I think about all the beautiful times I had with him in 2007, including the hospital stay. It was hard for me to ring in 2008 because I didn’t have Andrew here with us physically to bring it in with. I didn’t want to let go of 2007.

I often think about how Andrew always chose to be happy and grateful no matter what. I think about one of Oprah’s shows about gratitude. They talked about that if you needed a machine to breathe for you, be grateful there is a machine to do that. If your kidneys fail, be grateful there is dialysis. Well guess what? I had to be grateful for each of those things when Andrew was diagnosed, because he needed a machine to breathe for him and act as his kidneys, AND another machine help stabilize his temperature and on and on. Leukemia gave us a whole lot to be grateful for. Ok, that might be pushing the envelope a little bit, but the point is, we still chose to focus more on the blessings than the heart ache. We acknowledged the heartache, we just didn’t wallow in it. Through the leukemia, we found a whole lot of other things to be grateful for that we didn’t know even existed. But man! Were we ever grateful they did!

So if you think 2011 sucked for you, think about YOUR choices! Think about YOUR attitude! Because when I lived on a children’s cancer floor for 4 months, and saw more joy in those kids than I see in HEALTHY adults who make crappy choices, I have NO pity for them. I have NO tolerance for anyone who had the honor of being in the presence of one of these amazing kids and haven’t been inspired by them! I mean seriously! How do you not be inspired by watching a child go through cancer treatment, and still be able to smile or laugh? It is awe-inspiring! It makes you want to be a better person, or least it should.

I will NEVER understand those that had the incredible honor of being in my son’s presence, an Avatar no less, while he underwent such horrendous leukemia treatment, and still be happy, yet they have the nerve to bitch about their lives when it is THEIR decisions that got them there. It goes beyond my comprehension. I can feel that ole dragon energy rising! Dragon energy is not a fan of stupidity.

With this going into the 5th year of Andrew’s leaving, people better watch out! Grief may have brought me to my knees, and people may have taken advantage of that. But I am standing up now, stronger than ever…AND ready to move forward at lightening speed with my Muck, my husband, and Puff by my side! Lead, follow, or get the hell out of my way people, because make no mistake, we ARE coming through!

So, as you come into 2012 remember, it is about welcoming in a new year, and not just about kissing off the old one. Thank the old year for what it has taught you, and be ready to live the lessons you have learned from this past year, in the new one. Remember to APPLY the new knowledge! Without applying or doing, change will never happen in your life. It is up to YOU! Tap into the strength and wisdom of the dragon energy that is going to be prevalent this year, and watch the magick begin!

Happy New Year!

And as Andrew ALWAYS reminds us,

IT’S ALL GOOD!

Right when I think Andrew can’t surprise me anymore, he does! Here is a blog I wrote as a guest blogger for Carla Goddard. Instead of rewriting it for here, I decided to just reprint it instead.

My husband Martin, and I lost the physical presence of our 16 year old son Andrew, 4 months after a leukemia diagnosis on October 22, 2007. Christmas was one of his all time favorite holidays. Even at 15 years old he had the excitement of a little boy. Unlike his sister Elatia who is 10 years older, who we would have to wake up Christmas morning, but not him! He would get up around 4:00a.m., sit in the recliner, rock and stare at the Christmas tree lights, and become one with the presents under the tree until right before 6:00 a.m. At 5:50a.m. he would start to try and get us up because he knew it was going to take us a few minutes to come to, and he wanted to start in on his presents promptly at 6:00a.m. Why 6:00a.m.? Who knows, it’s beyond me, but that was his time.

I would faintly hear as Andrew whispered, “Mommy!… Mommy!… Mommy!…It’s almost 6:00a.m.! You and Daddy need to get up! I’m so excited! I can’t wait anymore!” Me still very groggy because we went to bed not long before he was up, I would tell him, “Ok, give us a few minutes, we still have a few minutes till 6:00 a.m.” He would reply,”Ok but don’t fall back to sleep!” I promised him we wouldn’t. I would lay there for a few minutes trying to wake up, remembering the days when we could sleep in, and have to wake up my daughter even is she was sleeping right in front of the tree at my parents house!

I then would hear the pitter patter of big 15year old clown feet coming back into our room. Uh-oh! I knew Andrew meant business now, and we had better be up! So I nudge Martin and tell him, “Hurry! Get up! He’s coming back! We gotta be up!” We both scramble to get out of bed and look like we had already been getting ready to come out, but we were busted, Andrew knew better. But he’s a good son, and he would just give us each a hug and tells us he loved us and how excited he was.

After opening his presents, even if he didn’t get everything he wanted, he would ALWAYS say, “This is the best Christmas EVER!” The last Christmas he was physically here with us, I mentioned to him, that he said that every year. He looked me right in the eyes and said, “Mommy, I mean it every year!” I said, “even if you didn’t get everything you wanted?” He replied, “I have you, Daddy and Elatia and that’s what makes it the best every year!” Talk about getting you right in the heart, because that is right where you felt it. Thinking of that now brings tears to my eyes. Andrew was such a genuine person. He picked his words carefully and thoughtfully.

So this Christmas, our fifth one without our Andrew physically here, Martin received an email from someone we were good friends with years ago. As happens in life sometimes, our lives took different roads and we lost touch. In this email Martin received, this friend said she was looking in her closet for coats for her daughters that recently moved to Chicago to go to college. While she was in the closet she felt this familiar energy come around her. She realized it was Andrew. He was nudging her to look further back into the closet. Knowing better than to ignore Andrew, she continues to look further back in the closet, and much to her surprise she finds a paper bag. When she grabbed it she realized that she had forgotten about this bag being back there for, well, about 8 years! She couldn’t believe what she found. She found a present Andrew started making for us when he was 12 years old.

She emailed Martin to make sure it was ok to send us this present from him. He worked on it every time we went to Southern California to work for Doreen Virtue, staffing her Angel Therapy Practitioner(r) classes. Our friend said she had to finish the last bit of it, then she would send it on. I was so excited to hear about this! What could it be? The more I thought about it, the more excited I got!

I came home from work recently and saw a huge box sitting on the table. I asked what it was, and I was told to look on my chair. On it was the most amazing thing! A big Santa smiling face looking at me! Andrew made us one of those yarn hook rugs. I touched it thinking about how my 12 year old son worked on this just for us. I could feel his love coming through, as I know with every piece of yarn had his love in it.

Holidays are still difficult, moments grieving the loss of my son still happen. BUT there are blessings to be found if we choose to look for them. And yes, sometimes we have to look really hard for them, but they are there. I will never hear my son whisper “Mommy! Mommy!” at 5:50 am again; and it will never be “The best Christmas ever!” for me again. But I do have a 9 month old granddaughter that I get to see Christmas and the world through her eyes now. I have a big smiling Santa face to remind me how much I am loved through all space and time. Love truly never dies, it unites us forever, and we are given signs to show us this is true. This Christmas it was a big smiling Santa face that will remind me every Christmas Andrew is still here with us, just in a new way.

To quote my son, even while in the hospital,

It’s All Good!

As you know, if you have read my books or this blog for any length of time, everything is energy and you can work with it. We all do it, but most people do it unconsciously. Author, Ted Andrews talks about working consciously with energy in his book, “How To Meet and Work With Your Spirit Guides.” It was one of my first books that I read about metaphysics. In it he discusses how to work with the Elemental energy in your yard, (you know, the faeries, elves, leprechauns etc.), your own etheric security system if you will. I found all of this fascinating and wanted to know more. It stirred a deep knowing inside of me.

I continued to learn more by reading various books by metaphysical authors and taking classes and staffing Doreen Virtue’s Angel Therapy Practitioner(r) class. In that class I learned from Steven Farmer on how to work the energy of animals. Steven being a Shamanic practitioner added the Native American philosophies in this class. As I learned about all of this, it just made so much sense to me. It was information I already knew but hadn’t accessed it consciously yet. I could go on and on about the things we have worked the energy with, but there’s not enough room in this blog post for it. The fact we have a granddaughter now is just one example.

We have been in our house for 11 years now. Apparently there has always been a rat issue from time to time. We use to have pet rats, but I’m not a fan of the wild ones. One wild rat was actually ballsie enough to live in our utility room, chew through my dryer vent, and crawl up Martin’s arm! Not sure what happened to him, I guess he went on his merry way. His work was done here.

Well, they’re back! Like hearing them scurrying around in the ceiling of Kaliana’s room while I’m rocking her isn’t bad enough, I started hearing them gnawing away in the ceiling of my bathroom/bedroom! OMG! What the hell are they gnawing on? What damage are they doing to my house? I was really getting pissed off with all of this! I asked St. Francis, patron saint of animals, to move them along. Nope! Still hearing them gnawing away in the morning. I asked Andrew, “Dude! Get rid of this rat or whatever the hell it is gnawing up there!” Nada! So we put up rat traps. Didn’t want to do it, but we had to do something. The Ascended Masters were absolutely NO help at all, and neither were the traps, OR Psychic Boy, Super Natural Hero, for that matter, with these critters!

I mean what? Do these rats have discriminating taste now? They only eat aged, fine cheeses? And not your run of the mill plastic cheese? Martin said he did what he could energy wise. Seriously dude? You work with the weather, but can’t get rid of rats? So not impressed with your Elvin skills at the mo! It’s like these rodents are taunting me! Oh, it is so on now! I will not be out smarted by a freakin rodent! So what’s a Wise One to do? I’ll tell you! Take things into my own hands…and wand!

I remembered what Steven Farmer said about working with the spirit energy of animals. Hmmm, so what do rats or rodents not like? SNAKES! So the other morning as I hear the gnawing going on, I figure I will use snake energy to get these rodents outta here! As I hear the gnawing while I’m getting ready for work, I decided to etherically put cobra snakes up in my attic. As I’m putting on my mascara, I casually visualize cobras in my attic in their attack stance all over my attic. I go about my business getting ready for work, and when I go back into my bathroom, what do I hear? NOTHING! Just SILENCE!

I figured, “Ok, the rat got tired, got lock jaw or something because that’s a lot of gnawing for one rodent.” BUT the next morning what did I hear? NOTHING again! I was like, “WOW! This stuff really works!” So I got out my 7 inch smokey quartz wand and amped up my energy work with the cobra energy. I have them suckers ALL over my attic now! AND I will continue to use cobra energy until we get the areas fixed where these rodents were getting in at.

What I realized was, Andrew you dirty rat, he didn’t help me with these critters because he knew I could do this myself. He wanted me to step up and into MY power more, and not take the easy way out. I have been lax since Andrew left, and this incident has let me know it’s time to take my power back. Thank you Muck/Andrew, PureHeart, St Francis and Martin, for making me step up and back into my power more!

What are YOU waiting for? Step into your power now! Because when you do…

IT’S ALL GOOD!

Here’s my disclaimer: I don’t usually share all my blog posts, and this would be one of them I wouldn’t normally share on other social sites. But I was informed that I need to share ALL of them, so I am. So PLEASE understand that the information here is MY truth and MY feelings. You don’t have to agree with it, just honor that this is MY process through grief and MY blog! SO if you read on, keep an open mind is all I ask. AND you might learn something. Or not.

I have mentioned before that Andrew will give us information as we can handle it. There has been so much to process emotionally with all of this, we just wouldn’t be able to handle all of the information about this journey with Andrew at once. I think we would explode if we tried. Well, I got a bit more information tonight, and Martin shared a tidbit of information back in October that blew my mind.

Tonight while watching “A Gifted Man,” there was an all too familiar scene for me. A woman was dying from rabies, I know! Right? Rabies? Go figure. While in the ambulance they were shocking her and doing compressions. SERIOUSLY! I really need to stay away from these damn medical drama shows. Seeing it first hand on Andrew was quite enough to last me a lifetime! Several lifetimes actually!

I decided to go in the kitchen to make brownies, somehow brownies make things a little better, while processing not only that whole scene with Andrew, but also I was thinking about his intubation. Don’t ask me why, it’d be too long to explain the chain of thoughts that led to that particular memory. As I was making the brownies, thinking about his intubation, and the opinion of some people about what Andrew was doing during that time in a coma, that’s when Andrew told me exactly what he was doing during his intubation. It’s amazing to me how I am getting the information directly from him more now. It’s pretty cool.

I explained before how Andrew told Martin that he was suppose to leave the first week of his diagnosis. Even the Dr’s didn’t think he was going to make it, which is why they didn’t give him a mediport until we came back to the hospital. The first 5 1/2 weeks he never had a mediport. I believe I explained before that while in my denial phase, I told myself it was because he wasn’t that ill and didn’t need one. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. But denial is a GREAT coping tool, for awhile anyway.

Martin and I just figured that in the beginning of Andrew’s illness, because we rose to the occasion, Andrew was allowed to stay here longer. Andrew informed me tonight what the REAL reason was as to why he got stay the extra few months that he did. He explained that while he was intubated he was actually renegotiating his Soul contract. He was buying us more time with him. Yes, it was only four more months we got, but it was certainly better than the 3 to 7 days in the original plan! In those four months, tens of thousands of people around the world were touched by Andrew’s journey by following this blog. I am certainly happy that we were given that extra time with him. Hard to believe that getting an extra few months with my SIXTEEN year old son is acceptable. But considering the alternative, it is.

Then in October, actually on International It’s All Good Day, we were at Modern Zen in Davie when something else came to light for me. Only 1 person showed for the concert so we just ate some cake that I got for the occasion and we talked with the 1 person and the few employees instead. That is when Martin informed me that not only did Andrew not want to sign his Soul contract, but the contract was in Martin’s handwriting! I looked at him in shock and said, “I thought it was us that didn’t want to do this, but he was coming here anyway to go through this experience, and we weren’t going to let him do it with anyone else. AND what? YOUR handwriting!? Please explain!” Martin said, “Yes, that’s true, we weren’t going to let him do this with anyone else, but Andrew really didn’t want to put us through this. He was going to go through it with someone else, that is why he didn’t want to sign the contract with us. So I wrote it up myself to show him we were serious about coming here with him.” Andrew figured he wouldn’t be here long, so why put us through all this.

Well, now it makes sense that when Martin was having a “Dad” moment, Andrew threw him the Soul contract across the table and said, “You agreed to this!” When Martin first told me that, I thought that just didn’t sound like our Muck, that’s not his style. But now I get it, it makes total sense now. Andrew tried to spare us all this grief before we even incarnated, but nooooo we HAD to insist on going through all this with him. What the hell was I thinking?! Like I didn’t already know what this dimension was like!? What’s the matter with me!? Andrew won’t be getting pimp slapped when I see him again. Ummm Nope! More like I’ll be pimp slapping myself for this lifetime! It will be like the bathroom scene in “Liar! Liar!” with Jim Carey.

Of course I still don’t get to see ALL of the bigger picture in all of this. That won’t happen until I get to cross over. But I have a sneaking suspicion that when I do get to look back on this lifetime, and after all is said and done, I will be able to say…

IT’S ALL GOOD!

I DID IT! I gave my notice at Olive Garden. I had such mixed emotions about it, it is bittersweet, but I knew that I had to do it. I told my manager Tim, I needed to talk to him before he left. Because as we already know, there was no guarantee that I was going to leave before him. *cut the cord Connie! Just cut the cord to last Monday already!* Anyway, I knew he would understand. He has always been supportive of my work that I do with Martin and Andrew, and my needs as a server. I couldn’t handle working doubles, or more than 3 shifts a week serving, and he always honored that. I may not have been their strongest server, or a work horse, but I am reliable, I am always on time, never called in sick, never had a no call-no show, never been written up, got along with everyone, did my job well, and was always sober! You wouldn’t think that the latter was a big deal, but it is! Especially in the restaurant biz.

When I told Tim I was giving my notice of leaving, he said he understood. He told me that he had the utmost respect for me, as I have for him. He said he knew I had bigger things to do. He totally understood what this job has meant to me. I told him I would stay through December if he needed me, because I wouldn’t leave him hanging. He appreciated that.

On my way home I was pondering what I had just done, my ego wondering if I had done the right thing. The ego is always there to help you second guess yourself. You know how it goes. My ego started saying, “What’s different about this time with you doing bookings? How is it going to be any different than the last time you were booking your concerts? Or even further back, your comedy & mediumship show? You saw how that went! You couldn’t get the ball rolling either of those times!” Awww ain’t the ego sweet? I begin to think about it. Why didn’t it work before? Or why didn’t I just book mediumship events to begin with? Who knows. Maybe because I needed to be at Olive Garden and meet the people, fellow employees and O.G. guests included, that I met these past 21 months. Maybe Martin and I needed some more down time to heal our grief before being out in the public more. One thing I do know is that there are no coincidences and there’s a reason for everything.

I’m at a stop light thinking about all of this, wanting to pimp slap my ego, when I let a car go in front of me. I noticed the license plate had an M77 in it. I think, “Hmmmm 7′s in Angel numbers mean, “accolades from heaven! You’re on the right track!” I then think about the “M” and what that might mean. That is when I heard, “it’s for Muck, Mommy! Muck sez you’re on the right track!” I can feel his smile. Then I feel that familiar “Muck” energy, but he wasn’t done with me yet! I look at the car next to the one I let in front of me and it’s a Jeep. It has the spare tire on the back with the tire cover that says, “Life Is Good.” Andrew loved the “Life Is Good” merchandise. He bought the necklace and the shirt with it that are still in his room. But on this tire cover it didn’t have the typical smiley face on it, this one had a daisy on it. When I see that, I hear Muck say, “I picked that flower just for you Pretty Mama!” Well, that brought tears to my eyes as I could feel his energy hugging me. I just love me and my Muck chats when we’re in the car. Just like the old days, only in the new way.

So no more soup and salad for me in the beginning of the year. I’ll be focusing on working with Andrew and Martin full time again, booking mediumship events and PureHeart Method classes. As I said on my FaceBook page, The Universe can’t make a move in your life until YOU do! SO my foot is off of 1st base and I’m heading to 2nd! Plannin on headin around to 3rd base then onto a HOME RUN! Onward and upward I say! I…AM…READY!

IT’S ALL GOOD!

Now, what in the hell could that title possibly mean? Especially regarding Andrew? I hear you ask. Well, believe it or not it has to do with my job, and yes, Andrew is involved too, and in a way you would never imagine. Don’t believe me? Read on.

For those that may not know, I have a dragon around me. Yes, dragons do exist, just not on this dimension, as do unicorns, leprechauns, faeries, etc. My dragon’s name is “Puff” as named by Michael Wise back in 2002. If you are clairvoyant you will see her. She is lovely AND protective of me. People that know me will attest to the fact that I indeed do have dragon energy, even if they can’t see Puff. What can I say? I ain’t a redheaded, Wise One, Leo for nothing! *grins* Now to set the scene.

I was at work on Monday at Olive Garden. I went in at 11:00a.m. so I figured I’d be OUT by 4:00p.m. Boy was I wrong! When I go to work, I time everything, right down to going to the bathroom. I go right before I leave for work & don’t go to the bathroom again until I get home. If you saw the employee bathroom you’d understand. We can use the public bathroom but to take off the apron and make sure you place it where no one can see it, don’t ask me why that is, but it is an OG rule. Well, as you can see, it’s just easier to wait until I get home. When I serve I call it putting on my full metal jacket. I have to make sure I have my pens, my change purse w/proper bank, my wine key, my order book, blah blah blah. If I have to take off my apron, I want to make sure I can keep it off! Not only do I time my bathroom breaks, I time my eating. I try to eat enough to carry me through till I get home around 4:15p.m. Ok, I may nibble on some stray cheese crumbs, or eat what’s left in the chicken gnoki container as I take it back to the dishwasher area, but no real meals.

On Monday I didn’t get to leave at my normal time. I was still being sat tables at 4:30p.m.! I was tired, hungry, my feet and body ached, AND I had to pee! I was feelin my dragon energy rise. I went to the host stand and asked why I was still being sat, and I was told that the manager hasn’t given the word to cut me yet. I was ready to cut somebody alright! Well, the dragon energy was rising more in me. Oooo I was getting more angry. Especially when I learned later that one of the dinner servers was sitting there with no tables for 45 minutes! SERIOUSLY?!

I go to my table and take their order and they inform me that they want soup & salad before they even decide what they want. SERIOUSLY!? I know what this means! I have SITTERS! I wanted to punch them in the neck! Well, by this time forget about it, the dragon is loose! I am livid and spittin fire now! I get them their effin soup and salad, then go to my car to get my phone. I leave it in my car because we are not allowed to use our phones at work. Hahahahaha that’s funny because I’m about the only one that doesn’t use my phone at work!

I call Martin while in the parking lot to rant and tell him I was stuck at work for about another hour. I had grocery shopping I needed to do for Thanksgiving and I was NOT going to feel up to it after this! I am a wiped out for hours after I get home from work. I told Martin I wanted to quit! I was so over it! I was so tired, I literally couldn’t see or think straight by this point!

Then Elatia texts me as I’m walking back in and she asks what was I doing. I tell her I was STILL at work. She texts me back WTF? Well, that only fuels my fire explaining to her that I was STILL stuck at work. I was blatantly texting out in the kitchen in front of the managers office and in the 3rd dining room where the servers hang when not busy. I was waiting for someone, including a manager to say something about me using my phone, cause I was ready to shove my phone up someone’s ass! I hate it anyway, so no great loss! I was throwing dishes in the dish area. A bread basket whizzed by another server’s head and skimmed him. On my way out of the kitchen after finally checking out, I saw a manager and told them that I can NOT be kept here this long! He said he didn’t know I was still on. I told him I was going to be giving my notice. He said, “No don’t do that” as I walked away.

Everyone was feelin the wrath of Con if they were in my vicinity that day! When I finally got to leave I slammed the door out of there & broke my sunglasses and just threw the rest of what was left of them in the parking lot. I am always in a good mood, dancing or singing, so this is a side of me no one has seen before. My dragon was out in force! Fire balls were flying outta me! To paint the picture, Andrew gave Martin this scenario today for this situation…

Andrew showed Martin that he was riding my dragon as she was flying all around the Olive Garden kitchen, spitting fire balls everywhere, her tail knocking over dishes and food in the window. Andrew was hanging on for dear life while being flung all about as he was yelling, “Yeehaw! I got 8 seconds!” Apparently that is the goal time when riding a bucking bronco, and a dragon, to last 8 seconds. Martin notices that Andrew was wearing a pair of chaps and he said to Martin, “But they aren’t ass-less chaps Daddy.” Martin looks at him with an eye brow raised and replies, “Yes they are!” Andrew says meekly, “yeah, you’re right, they are.” Yup! That’s a picture of my son that I needed in my head! Thanks guys!

Once again, Martin tells me all of this as I’m driving. The 3 of us were laughing pretty hard at this whole scene, which was really making fun of me losing it. Feelin the love from my boys, so I was!

Anyway, what’s the lesson here kiddies? It’s time for me to move on. I have needed to leave Olive Garden for a little while now and move forward with our mediumship gigs. But after everything we have been through since Andrew left, like nearly losing our house, and electric almost shut off, I have been nervous to leave there. It took me so long to find a job, it’s hard to leave one once you find one. Especially in this economy, and to do something that isn’t guaranteed. It’s not like I haven’t been down this road before, trying to get us out there and booking gigs. But as they say, you can’t steal 2nd base with your foot on 1st. I have to feel the fear and do it anyway. AND Martin’s fav saying, “In order to hang on, you have to let go.” So I’m letting go and trusting that all is in Divine order. Isn’t that the lesson for all of us, like ALL of the time? Letting go and trusting? Because if I think I can stay at Olive Garden until I feel secure enough to leave, well that just ain’t gonna happen.

The fact that I snapped at work is a clue that my time there may be done, and I need to move on to bigger and better things, no matter how scared I may be about doing it. I am waiting until after Thanksgiving so I can be completely calm when giving my notice. After all, I am so grateful that I got this job. I love the people I work with, and Olive Garden has been very good to me and I want to leave on a high note. I have been there 20 months, my longest job at one place EVER! I want to leave knowing that if I ever need a job again, I can go back. AND there’s nothing wrong in not wanting to burn any bridges, especially with people who have always been supportive of me and my needs. Well, except for Monday. Moving on and change is never easy, but it is a part of life!

IT’S ALL GOOD! AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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